4/13/2006

It's my blog, I can cry if I want to.

Some people have inquired about Drew and how he's doing with all his stomach problems. I've been thinking about updating but have refrained kind of with the principle of "If you can't say anything nice..." in mind. Now that's not entirely true because there really is improvement overall. However, I just don't know how to talk about the baby days without sounding awfully whiny. So I haven't...until now.

I probably don't need to preface this at all but I'm going to by saying that I couldn't have wanted anything more than I wanted Drew. I didn't let myself hope for more than a minute that I could actually have him until he was here. Those first loud squawks I heard when he arrived brought a relief bigger and better than any good thing I've ever experienced. We are incredibly thankful that he is here.

In Bible School, whenever I experienced some major calamity in the kitchen like, say, undercooked rice, Warren would magically appear and whip out his tiny invisible violin with which he would play, "My heart bleeds for you". Of course this made me laugh and want to kick him at the same time. So, anyway, get out your violins...

We stopped giving Drew the medication prescribed several weeks ago because it didn't seem to make that much of a difference. It seems as if he has grown out of the worst of it really. He'll go for a good stretch with nothing but normal, bearable fussy periods but then will have a really bad run of days where nothing seems to make him happy. I think a lot of it is just that he is a high maintenance little guy. He likes to be held and entertained. I've tried to stay away from dairy for the most part but, again, hard to tell if it makes a difference.

The biggest thing I think is lack of sleep. You just can't help but be affected by month after month of not being able to sleep for more than 4 hours in a row. What I would give for ONE night of uninterrupted sleep. But, all new mothers go through this right? Just don't tell me how your baby slept through the night after 4 weeks or even eight...I'm plugging my ears and singing loudly to drown you out.

So, when Drew is crying and nothing seems to help I just have to put him down and walk away sometimes. And tell myself it's ok. When I'm having my meltdown moment of the day when all I can think is, "I cannot do this anymore. Not for one more minute...", I, like all normal people of the world, go and check my blog or beat my head against the wall or any number of other worthwhile pursuits. But life has a way of just carrying you along anyway. (For anyone who thinks I'm whining too much, I already deleted a couple of paragraphs.)

I won't even get into the whole topic of losing baby weight which is depressing beyond belief. I'll only say this: When I hear other mothers complain about trying to lose those last 5 pounds when their new baby is only a few weeks old, I have to cram my fist in my mouth to keep from screaming. Yes, indeed, many times.

I know it will get better. Say it with me, IT WILL GET BETTER. And something funny: Today Ethan said, "When Drew grows up, I'm going to ask him why he was crying all the time."
Me too, my friend.

24 comments:

pennyjean said...

I love you!

DJ said...

*pats you on the back*

Some things just need to be let out...

asaphat said...

If it helps you, think of all the ways you're going to get him back when he has to take care of you in his old age. You can cry and be cranky all day and he'll have to put up with you.

Trusting that the grace will be equal to the burdens...

melbrown said...

Awesome post. For real-- thanks for sharing what you did. You weren't whiney at all... and plus, this was one of the best titles EVER!

I wish I could come out to hold and entertain all the livelong day!

I'm in awe of you.
Love and prayers.

Claire said...

I'm sorry. I wish I could give you some sleep. It was a GOOD post- full of brutal, refreshing honesty.

I liked the mental picture of you putting your whole fist in your mouth.

That last part about Ethan someday asking Drew why he was crying and then your last sentence, " Me too, my friend" somehow reminded me of a "deep thought" in the way it was phrased...

Linds said...

Bless your heart! Here's trusting for a good night's sleep... the first of many!!

gretchen said...

OH MY WORD I LOVE YOU SO STINKIN' MUCH! And incidentally, good job surviving: I don't know how you do it. Really. (I bet you don't know either). Thanks for a great post.


I love you!

janelle said...

Lots of love and affeksheeeon on your blog tonight...I love you too, man!...and from the sounds of your post you hate my stinkin' guts since I have recently shared both sleeping triumphs and weight woes with you. I'll try to keep my big yapper shut right up. Really, I am sorry for what you are going through. I wish I could help you get some sleep, but I don't think Drew would find me so very extry comforting in the night. Or in the day. =) May brighter days be on their way.

karena said...

Wow....you are definitely the daughter of Dave! With your words of articulation you could save the nation!
On behalf of all mothers everywhere, I commend, commisserate and salute you!

karena said...

Hey, and thanks, hank for the memories of old master chef and comedian, Warren....we were lucky to have him.

Loreo said...

I really do appreciate you, Liane. You are refreshingly honest. Good to hear the update, even though everything isn't groovy. Hey, for what it's worth, the baby weight came off no problem for me with babies 1-3, but not 4!! Hang in there! See if you can start taking naps Sunday afternoon. That's what I like to do. Two hours minimum!!

ljmax said...

Wow! Thanks so much everyone! We had a pretty good night last night too.

Janelle--you silly, I don't even hate you. I actually love some skinny people! I honestly wasn't thinking of you when I wrote that..I had a specific memory of some MOPS mothers in mind...

Mrs. RF said...

Sending lots of love your way!

Avalanche Cowpoke said...

Good solid for REAL post! You have my prayers for you and yours...

Ol' 'Lanche sez he wishes he could babysit once in awhile fer ya'---silly hoss!

janelle said...

Wheeew! I thought we were going to have to stop being friends. Thanks for daring to be real. You are REAL cool! I like you even if you don't like me. =)

Hey, check your phone...Amy is trying to call you to ask Ethan out on a date tonight and she said it has been busy for hours.

clairepass said...

I thought Karena was going to bust out into a full blown rap with that whole "words of articulation, you could save the nation"...

That K-Dawg, always surprising us.

ljmax said...

Yup, K-Diddy, she keeps it real.

yankeegal said...

I couldn't help but hear the rap myself as I wrote it..just kind of spewed out of me. Now that's raw talent, my sister peeps:) For real!

Carrie F said...

Roomie! Don't feel guilty for letting Drew cry and walking away sometimes. Very wise Alison Sanford once said what is good for the Mom is usually best for the child. You have to take care of yourself first so you can take care of your family. And that may mean leaving Drew to cry so you can regain your sanity. You are strong! If you were weak, could you have ever fought off the LOOM? I don't remember ever having undercooked rice at Bible School.

lis said...

Liane,

You reminded me of my daycare afternoons in the baby room on the infrequent occasions when two or three were crying at once. I would panic: "I'm responsible for these babies, and they're crying!"

Eventually it occurred to me that God's children cry, too.

You have my heartfelt respect! <3

Amy said...

First and foremost…WARREN! What a nice memory of him. I owe him props for many of my current skills…laying ceramic tile in industrial kitchens, gutting and re-finishing student phone booths, and combining the weeks left overs (from all three meals), grilling it to perfection, and serving…knowing it will be gobbled up quickly…as if it were Thursday, fast day, supper. I wonder if Warren is a blog-reading man. If so, “Hi Warren and thanks for the skeelz!”
Second, and obviously not as important, your trials/frustrations/woes regarding motherhood. Kidding of course dear friend! My heart goes out to you. Sleep deprivation is a form of slow, agonizing torture second only to a mother being unable to console her crying baby. I recall experiencing homicidal, as well suicidal, thoughts at times…a harsh truth, but a reality. It seems when going through rough times as a mom everyone has soothing words of comfort. Andy’s mother, bless her heart, attempted this when I had to leave Grant (who was six weeks premature and an hour away) in the NICU after I was discharged. I came home, without him, but had her words waiting for me …“Well, at least now you’ll be able to get the sleep that you wouldn’t if he were here!” I’m sorry I don’t have anything as good as that for you, but do know that you are thought of and prayed for. I wish there was more I could do to lighten the load and make things more bearable for you in regards to Drew. You need to move north, closer to us…out of the ghetto that is Birmingham!
FYI…Ethan is having a superhero sized good time here. They camped out in a Buzz Light year tent last night – inside of course – and feasted on dinosaur shaped pancakes this morning. Could life get any better for two 4-ish year old lads? I think not.

ljmax said...

THANK YOU everyone and Thank you, thank you to Amy for taking Ethan for the night--you did indeed lighten the load. When he returned, Ethan said to Keith, "I didn't miss you or Mama, I just missed Drew and Spiderman!"

the Joneses said...

Nice to know that Ethan considers you so essential :)

Great post. Thanks for sharing. We'll keep praying for you and for Drew.

Not having worked much in the kitchen, I mostly remember Warren teaching us how to sing Vivaldi's "Gloria." Great music, and great funny teacher!

--DJ

Wendy S said...

Hey there,

My first blog comment to anyone! There is a first for everything. Hang in there girlfriend, better days are ahead. Both your kiddos are such cuties! Everlea turned 2 last month.. time sure flies.

Just wanted to note that I saw Warren 2 days ago in the center of New Boston... hasn't changed much at all... We do see him every now and then when he drops in to see what Randy's latest house project is. Couldn't have made it through BS without that guy!! :)

Wendy S.