It's my blog, I can cry if I want to.

Some people have inquired about Drew and how he's doing with all his stomach problems. I've been thinking about updating but have refrained kind of with the principle of "If you can't say anything nice..." in mind. Now that's not entirely true because there really is improvement overall. However, I just don't know how to talk about the baby days without sounding awfully whiny. So I haven't...until now.

I probably don't need to preface this at all but I'm going to by saying that I couldn't have wanted anything more than I wanted Drew. I didn't let myself hope for more than a minute that I could actually have him until he was here. Those first loud squawks I heard when he arrived brought a relief bigger and better than any good thing I've ever experienced. We are incredibly thankful that he is here.

In Bible School, whenever I experienced some major calamity in the kitchen like, say, undercooked rice, Warren would magically appear and whip out his tiny invisible violin with which he would play, "My heart bleeds for you". Of course this made me laugh and want to kick him at the same time. So, anyway, get out your violins...

We stopped giving Drew the medication prescribed several weeks ago because it didn't seem to make that much of a difference. It seems as if he has grown out of the worst of it really. He'll go for a good stretch with nothing but normal, bearable fussy periods but then will have a really bad run of days where nothing seems to make him happy. I think a lot of it is just that he is a high maintenance little guy. He likes to be held and entertained. I've tried to stay away from dairy for the most part but, again, hard to tell if it makes a difference.

The biggest thing I think is lack of sleep. You just can't help but be affected by month after month of not being able to sleep for more than 4 hours in a row. What I would give for ONE night of uninterrupted sleep. But, all new mothers go through this right? Just don't tell me how your baby slept through the night after 4 weeks or even eight...I'm plugging my ears and singing loudly to drown you out.

So, when Drew is crying and nothing seems to help I just have to put him down and walk away sometimes. And tell myself it's ok. When I'm having my meltdown moment of the day when all I can think is, "I cannot do this anymore. Not for one more minute...", I, like all normal people of the world, go and check my blog or beat my head against the wall or any number of other worthwhile pursuits. But life has a way of just carrying you along anyway. (For anyone who thinks I'm whining too much, I already deleted a couple of paragraphs.)

I won't even get into the whole topic of losing baby weight which is depressing beyond belief. I'll only say this: When I hear other mothers complain about trying to lose those last 5 pounds when their new baby is only a few weeks old, I have to cram my fist in my mouth to keep from screaming. Yes, indeed, many times.

I know it will get better. Say it with me, IT WILL GET BETTER. And something funny: Today Ethan said, "When Drew grows up, I'm going to ask him why he was crying all the time."
Me too, my friend.