7/21/2010

The TV helped me write this

My blog. Like a good friend who I keep meaning to email, (no really, I mean it) it's been on my mind. As I rip a comb through my hair, throw on a t-shirt from the ground where I threw it the night before, a sentence pops into my head. Something I might use on my blog!

Then I'm changing a diaper and my only thoughts are what needs doing next. My only scheming, how I might catch up on life. I'm frantic with just the tedium of the day to day. I wonder how people possibly do more than what is basic.

All of this with the backdrop of constant, really I'm almost not exaggerating, screaming. Whether it's the baby who is unhappy in spite of being fed and changed, or the boys fighting over WHO HAD THIS FIRST or WHO LAUGHED AT ME or WHO HAD ONE MORE COOKIE or WHO GOT TO SIT THERE. I mean it. It's endless. Only consolation that it has to be temporary. I know it will be easier when Sadie's needs are less intense.

In the meantime, I'm losing my mind. I forgot my pin number, or part of it anyway, for the first time the other day. It always just comes to my fingers automatically, I've had it, um, forever, and I couldn't remember the first digit. After punching in the wrong number at the store, I gave myself some time to think and it did come back to me. Senior moment or sleep-deprivation?

I'm so tired. Lay-my-face-directly-on-a-sizzling-stove-top-sleep-for-hours-kind of tired. Of course, that's normal and nothing new. Just bone weary by the end of the day and utterly without one shred of patience. I hope my poor children have their memories wiped clean of this summer.

Yes, we've done some fun projects and Ethan is really lucky to have two good friends in this neighborhood who he visits almost daily. He can ride to their houses on his bike and they to ours so it's pretty ideal. I keep taking pictures and hoping to blog about them. Soon enough.

I certainly shouldn't be surprised by any of this. I've done it before. I'm always wagging my head in amazement when I speak to other mothers and we say to each other, "You really forget how hard it is!" But, mercifully, you do.

7 comments:

Emma C said...

Hang in there, my friend! I'll try sending brainwaves of energy (for you) and calmness (for the kids) your direction.

Emma C said...

P.S. I can almost never remember my PIN number and have actually had to CALL MY HUSBAND while standing at the ATM so he can remind me. So I think the fact that you can remember even part of it means you're doing ok.

Liane said...

Ha! Thanks, Emma. I feel a lot better now that I've had the chance to whine a little.

the Joneses said...

See, whining is what blogs are for, too. :) It will get easier, but meanwhile let me savor the phrase "frantic with just the tedium of day to day." I'm glad you checked in.

-- SJ`

Heidi said...

So glad to find a new entry. I understand the young-kid-crazies. Glad we could at least bottle them all up for a day together.

Susan Elizabeth said...

God bless you, Liane! I remember those days of being literally in pain from lack of sleep...and praying that my kids wouldn't remember my occasionally breakdown. Thank God for husbands who are calm and cause calm to happen through any situation!
I'm amazed you had the energy to post!
My words of wisdom? Sleep when Sadie sleeps! (I'm sure you know that one already! You're a veteran mom!!) I just had to say something "helpful"!
Hope you can rest fully very soon.

gretchen said...

Augh!

My stomach hurts in sympathy! It's amazing how impossible real life is!

Are we there yet?