5/15/2005

Civil Disobedience

Today I ventured downtown where the beautiful people stroll. All I wanted to do was spend a few quiet moments at the library, return some items and hopefully find more. My heart sank as I approached the center of town and saw that the area around the library was blocked off for some community event.

So, mission unaccomplished, I headed back which normally would have taken me about 2 minutes, but because of all the activity, took me more like 15-20. The streets of course were clogged with the beautiful people of the earth who somehow have the right of way, whether driving or walking. It makes for very confusing traffic patterns. Excuse me, are you one of the beautiful people? Well, by all means walk right in front of my moving vehicle! Why yes, pull on ahead and just ignore your red light, I'm perfectly content to sit quietly and gaze at your beauty. I just can't stand a sense of entitlement. No, I have no problems with road rage.

My confusion was further compounded by the flailing Arm of the Law. As I sat waiting at a four-way stop, letting the mobs cross on the crosswalk in front of me, I noticed an ineffectual traffic cop in the middle of the intersection, attempting to create order with the help of an obnoxious whistle and a mean face. As I prepared for a long wait, I noticed that Officer Friendly had turned his attention to me, waving me onward. The only problem was the pedestrians crossing in front of me. If there is one traffic law I remember, it is that pedestrians have the right of way (only because I actually got this question wrong on my written driving test. Yes, I did. I remember thinking, "Well, of course the pedestrian doesn't have the right of way or they would just be roaming the streets. Roads are for cars!" I keep my wits about me at all times.)

The beautiful pedestrians were very confused as well and faltered in their walk, right in front of me. Officer Friendly grew angrier and so they finally stepped back. But just at that moment, a beautiful cyclist pulled right out in front of me. By the time I finally was able to pull ahead, my friend the Officer was gesticulating wildly and yelling at me loudly. So sorry sir, which of these pedestrians did you want me to mow down?

Ok, now it's time for me to calm down.

4 comments:

DJ said...

I would recommend opening your doors as wide as possible and just make a run thru a crowd and go for a strike. Just remember to make use of the doors, cause they can cause ricochets that will get you even more points...

Claire said...

I think you should submit this as a letter to the editor of your local newspaper. I LOVED the part about the "flailing Arm of the Law." Ahhh... I wish I had coined that phrase.

ljmax said...

Maybe I'll try that next time, Derrick

DJ said...

Just remember to keep track of your points. They give you bragging rights if you ever meet a fellow point keeper.