If you ever want to learn all my deep, dark secrets, I recommend electric shock. I'd cave pretty quickly. I hate, HATE getting shocked and I refuse to ever lick a battery. That is why my trip to Walmart this morning was highly unpleasant, even grueling.
I know nobody will believe my story, Keith hardly does, but why would I make this up? As I pushed my cart around, perusing the produce I felt a shock or two and began to cringe. Because this exact thing happened to me a couple times before and I did not look forward to a repeat.
It wasn't bad when I was walking slowly through the grocery aisles, stopping and picking things out but as soon as I increased speed and walked for longer lengths of time, I began to get almost constant shocks to my hands. This is without lifting a finger from the cart handle.
I know it's strange and I cannot figure out why it happens to me. If I was a conspiracy-loving type, I'd have had something to believe in. Instead I became highly irritated. I needed to walk across the SUPER store to find some light bulbs and other sundries so I gathered all my courage for the trek. I found that if I steered with my elbows or held my hands very carefully on the plastic strip on the handle, I could travel shock-free. But it gets a little hard to turn a full cart this way and let's not mention the looks you get.
And that plastic strip on the cart handle? Have you ever noticed how small it is? No, if you are normal, I'm sure you haven't. But, let me tell you it is not nearly big enough and it doesn't go all the way around so I had to hold my fingertips just right and if one finger happened to stray and hit the metal part...ZAP! I was on the verge of tears. Did I mention that I hate getting shocked?
I even thought about pulling aside fellow shoppers and asking them to try my cart. Was it me? Was it the fake rubbery croc-like shoes I was wearing? But I managed to restrain myself. I did, however, decide to confide in my young, too cool to, like, care about you check-out girl. She stared at me, said,"huh" and filed me away in her Crazy People Stories of the Day. In fact, if she has a blog, I'm sure she'll be writing about the tired-looking old, thinks-the-government-is-sending-electricity-into-her-cart-kind-of-crazy lady who came through her line today.