10/20/2008

Why Walmart scares me (and it's not the usual reasons)

If you ever want to learn all my deep, dark secrets, I recommend electric shock. I'd cave pretty quickly. I hate, HATE getting shocked and I refuse to ever lick a battery. That is why my trip to Walmart this morning was highly unpleasant, even grueling.

I know nobody will believe my story, Keith hardly does, but why would I make this up? As I pushed my cart around, perusing the produce I felt a shock or two and began to cringe. Because this exact thing happened to me a couple times before and I did not look forward to a repeat.

It wasn't bad when I was walking slowly through the grocery aisles, stopping and picking things out but as soon as I increased speed and walked for longer lengths of time, I began to get almost constant shocks to my hands. This is without lifting a finger from the cart handle.

I know it's strange and I cannot figure out why it happens to me. If I was a conspiracy-loving type, I'd have had something to believe in. Instead I became highly irritated. I needed to walk across the SUPER store to find some light bulbs and other sundries so I gathered all my courage for the trek. I found that if I steered with my elbows or held my hands very carefully on the plastic strip on the handle, I could travel shock-free. But it gets a little hard to turn a full cart this way and let's not mention the looks you get.

And that plastic strip on the cart handle? Have you ever noticed how small it is? No, if you are normal, I'm sure you haven't. But, let me tell you it is not nearly big enough and it doesn't go all the way around so I had to hold my fingertips just right and if one finger happened to stray and hit the metal part...ZAP! I was on the verge of tears. Did I mention that I hate getting shocked?

I even thought about pulling aside fellow shoppers and asking them to try my cart. Was it me? Was it the fake rubbery croc-like shoes I was wearing? But I managed to restrain myself. I did, however, decide to confide in my young, too cool to, like, care about you check-out girl. She stared at me, said,"huh" and filed me away in her Crazy People Stories of the Day. In fact, if she has a blog, I'm sure she'll be writing about the tired-looking old, thinks-the-government-is-sending-electricity-into-her-cart-kind-of-crazy lady who came through her line today.

16 comments:

darren said...

I've had this happen to me at the grocery store. My fingers were sore by the end of the shopping trip!

Liane said...

Phew! I'm glad to hear I'm not the only one.

Claire said...

I went to Walmart too this morning and I too had to trek across the store to fetch sundries. Wish their sundries section was NEXT to the groceries section. Wah. It took me longer than usual to make the trek, not because I had a shocking cart, but because I had a slower helper following me - Grandpa came along with me and pushed another cart with Aiden in it!

I've never had the shocking thing happen but it seems like every time I go into Walmart, I get a cart that has bumpy wheels. It's uncanny!

Keith said...

If you wear a tinfoil hat, you'll be fine.

Anonymous said...

I'll bet you had fun with those lightbulbs after you got your electic hands on them!

Heidi said...

Yet another reason to avoid WalMart like the plague. Keep 'em coming, fellow-tired-old-crazy-lady. :)

gretchen said...

Weird! I believe you, but only because it's you : )

Lori said...

Time to break out the gloves next shopping trip?

Wendy said...

You are not crazy!! ...This happens to me every time I go to our Super Walmart! I was just telling Ran about it the other day and was wondering about the safety of it all. :) It starts out a little annoying but as the prickly current (best way to describe) continues through my hands it becomes uncomfortable. I thought to mention it to an employee but figured what could they do? Our SW has concrete floors, does yours, I wonder if that makes a difference and yes if I hold the plastic part it's OK, but I forget every time and sometimes it's easier to hold the uncovered part... weird...

Stoneslinger said...

That story was electrifying!! I think it might just get picked up by the Drudge Report. I have heard that those Crock shoes really are a croc. I don't think they ground well. Just the opposite. Next time, you might consider purchasing a few strips of authentic insulated rubber, and tying them to your ankles, and letting them drag behind you as you cruise through Stuff-Mart aisles.

Just a thought.

(I hope I don't sound like a Jerk)

Liane said...

I am going to go check Drudge right now you jerk.

Heidi, I knew you'd love the anti-Walmart sentiments!

Wendy...thank you, I am so glad you and Darren at least can back me up:) I don't know about the concrete floors. I'll have to check though...so weird.

Can I borrow your tinfoil hat, Keith?

Su said...

All I can say is, HA!! Great post!

p.s. I hate Wal*Mart...too bad it's the only place that stocks the many items I buy...blech.

Anonymous said...

You are not old!
-Amy

Patrick Randall said...

You belong to a worldwide family...

http://patricksinventionideas.blogspot.com/2007/08/no-0031-grocery-cart-static-generator.html

http://www.city-data.com/forum/northern-virginia/282169-grocery-stores-2.html

...or at least a national community. I saw a comment on one website's forum posted by a man from Nigeria with the same affliction.

Anonymous said...

It's all that electricity stored in your body from being shocked a bazillion times while living in your rental--that house was lethal!

Tara said...

I read something about a low pH level in our body making us more "staticky" and drinking more fluids is suppose to raise the pH and makes us less likely to experience the shocks. I don't fully understand it (and I may be explaining it wrong) but it does seem to help me. Next time you go to the store, try drinking as much water as possible first and see if it helps!