Social phobias go to Storytime

Today I renewed my efforts to socialize our monster son. As we climbed into the car together, I turned on the cheer. "Adam, this is going to be fun! Just you and me!"

Adam, from the back seat, "When we get back home it will be more funner."

Yes, I had to silently agree. That's exactly how I feel. Let's go, get this done and get back home. Quickly. Preferably before anyone sees us.

I'm here to tell you there just isn't much of anything more tedious than Storytime at the library by the time you are attending with Child #3. It's like having to repeat Kindergarten three times. Who wouldn't get bored? Right?

Adam and I reluctantly joined the circle of fresh-faced young moms with their designer diaper bags, stilettos (yes!) and their precious offspring. These mothers ooze enthusiasm. Every utterance of their child is greeted with wide-eyed coos and delighted laughter. Every movement celebrated. I always marvel at their energy.

I grew so weary of trying to involve Adam on any level that we both sat and stared grumpily at the carpet. Mothers and newborn babies performed elaborate dance steps all around us and placed their beanbags appropriately on their heads. Adam growled and kicked me.

We stuck it out.

When the last repetitive page was wrung dry and the goodbyes handed out, we fled to the toy section of the library before the other horrible human beings could follow.

Adam played happily for about two minutes until a little boy wandered over. We moved away to a nearby mirror. Our new friend, apparently without a guardian, joined the shot.

Library mirror

"He keeps FOLLOWING me!" was Adam's outraged cry.

Oh, boy after my own heart. Why do I need to change you?


Heidi said...

LOL. "Stilettos (yes)"..."Adam growled and kicked me."... Was rolling in laughter all through this one as it was almost to fresh a wound of my own to continue to read.

Then, "Oh, boy after my own heart. Why do I need to change you?" Amen, sister. Great post, as always :)

Leslie said...

I just laughed WAYYYYYY to hard in my cubicle - thanks a lot! This was one of the funniest posts ever in the blogging world!

"before the other horrible human beings could follow." I can't stop laughing at this!

This is 100% my poor husband. ONE HUNDRED PERCENT. I'm actually glad you posted this, I need to know there are other people out there like him. Though, I will tell you, I am trying to move our whole family to a farm or place with land because every single time I walk outside and see a neighbor I want to SCREAM and cry.

The other day, I actually packed my kids up three minutes after being outside because this guy and his son came strolling down to see us and I JUST COULDNT TAKE IT. They boys were like, "mommy, we just got out here!" and I (feel bad about lying) said, "But we have to check Mercy, it's time to feed her and I can't leave her in the house, and it's too cold for her outside." I went inside with them, pretended to check a perfectly sleeping Mercy, and then shoved the boys outside in our fenced in tiny backyard so no one could bother us.

So I guess I'm a little like this, too...

Didn't mean to go on like that, but I just LOVED this post. It made me laugh so hard, and gave me some insight on my husband and his hatred for going to public places to be around other people like this!